Southern Progressives

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National News

State News:

Local News & Arts:

The McMinn County Board of Education will meet in Regular Session on Thursday, September 12, 2024 at 5:30 p.m. at the McMinn County Center for Educational Excellence. • Saturday, September 28, at 9 a.m. at AgCentral Co-op, is the McMinn County 4-H Chicken Show and Sale. Three breeds of laying hens are available for purchase: Rhode Island Red, Brown Star, and Barred Rock. Come experience some small town fun and bring laying chickens home to eat fresh eggs and support your McMinn County 4-H’ers. All Buyers Welcome. For more information call 423-745-2852.

• The VFW is having their Annual Turkey Shoot beginning on Saturday, September 14, from 8am-12 Noon and each Saturday through November 23 at VFW Post #5146 at 706 North Congress Parkway in Athens. They are raising funds for their Christmas baskets to be distributed to Veterans & spouses. For more information, call 423-745- 8387.

• Isaiah 117 House, a Tennessee nonprofit supporting children awaiting foster placement, will host its annual golf tournament on Friday, September 27, at Springbrook Golf & Country Club. The event will feature breakfast, lunch, prize opportunities, and free Titleist gear for all participants. Registration opens at 7 a.m. for the morning flight and 12 p.m. for the afternoon flight, with shotgun starts at 8 a.m. and 1 p.m. Sponsorships are available. To register or become a sponsor, visit www.isaiah117house.com/golf and select Monroe-McMinn County. For more details, contact Jennifer Collins, Monroe-McMinn Location Leader at (423) 519-3393

Political Cartoon:

Seniors:

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"

11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

13. I run like the winded.

14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."

19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

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